Ashebeer

I’m coming late to this. I’d have made a big thing of it, but enjoy certain knowledge which, if disseminated, might have unintended consequences. I’ll get to that.

There are surely others, but the two blogfighters on this have been on either side: Dr. J’s Housecalls and Randolph Is Talking. The former has engendered enough ire to foment a parody blog. The latter has a gorgeous 258 comments and counting thread.

I’m conflicted on this issue. I’ve had lunch with opponents who are trying to portray Asheboro as a “family friendly” town to visit the zoo. But the restaurant/hotel lobby (sorry) wants alcohol. They finally won. That doesn’t mean forever. The opponents will return.

I grew up having beer and wine available in Stenchville. We drove over to Randleman to buy booze until we got our own ABC store. The clinic we built with the revenue lost its doctors and stood empty before becoming the police station. They built a multi-million dollar fire station. Revenue may have contributed to that. Here’s my personal experience for the citizens of Asheboro.

You won’t have to drive drunk to the ABC store in Randleman anymore.

Drunk zoo visitors won’t have to drive to GSO for lodging.

Folks in Seagrove can afford to drink. Help stamp out sober Raku.

Folks who went to Asheville by mistake can get a drink before finally visiting the zoo.

Folks who went to the zoo only to find it closed can get a drink.

Pinewood Country Club can host frisbee golf with its attendant keg.

GSO restaurants won’t be clogged with boisterous Ashebeerians.

Ashebeerians won’t have to go to GSO to see Dr. J have a drink.

The Ashebeer gamblers, whores and crackheads will be committing one less class of misdemeanors.

The drink house owners will seem less hypocritical on Sunday mornings.

The emergency and court rooms will be filled with well-heeled strangers.

Mom and Dad can pack one less cooler.

Riders will no longer have to be In The Country.

Ramseurians will no longer be forced to deal with lowly Stenchville for booze.

GSO restaurants won’t be clogged with clueless Stenchvillains. They feel more at home in Ashebeer.

The Courier-Tribune can finally stop beating the readers mercilessly with propaganda.

Guilford County cops and strippers won’t have to remember to bring booze to Bledsoe’s bunker.

Ashebeer has always been an evil place. This is adding Stoli to a fire.

18:30: Blue Mist will no longer only mean a BBQ restaurant. And if you know of a better name for a BBQ pit, I wanna hear about it.

What’s next: renaming Dixie Drive? If they want the black demo, that will not do. Of course, Ashebeer blacks have been putting up with a lot of things. Frankly, I’m amazed the Zoo hasn’t already demanded it. They changed Cox Road to the Zoo Parkway. How about Comet Drive, in honor of the local high school? That’s a safe, non-earthly name, if a bad choice as a mascot. I mean, how does that work?

Ashebeer needs to promote itself as the coolest place to take the family between Williamsburg and South of the Border, OK Carowinds. Trust me, the gross receipts on alcohol at Disney World are killer. Comatose parents are di rigueur.

The biggest prob with Ashebeer is you can’t get there. It’s the nexus of 64 and 49 and 220 or 73. 42 runs nearby. If you ain’t a local, you’re probably lost. It’s entirely too near the Holly Springs land grant and the Quakers whence I come, and otherwise thoroughly eaten up with Baptists. Fortunately, Sikh physicians chose the town to practice and they are a frequent reminder at the Chinese buffet that multiculturalism is alive and well. Why do Hispanics love Chinese food? My brother swears the Hispanics and Chinese share a common language, unknown to us. That’s like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich of illogic.