Dogs

From what I can tell, Schultzie, the neighbor’s Weimaraner, spent the night it snowed in their house. I’m pretty relieved.

I was on the way to the post office this afternoon when I encountered another neighbor’s mottled brown Australian Shepherd. I dropped by H-T and picked a short leash and some Schnausages. The neighbor on the other side has a boxer, so I thought it might be good to be prepared for this and other occurrences.

Upon my return, I turned the block and found the owner pulling up with the Australian Shepherd. It barks constantly when they’re not at home, but I didn’t mention it. In fact, all the dogs mentioned could use a puppy. Assholes.

Last spring, I judged I bought about 500 lbs of dirt for my raised beds. That’s about how much I hauled from Twin Brooks today. It now reposes happily back in the raised beds at our new place. I need to retrieve a giant white azalea and a stupid snowball bush. It would be great if I had time to snatch some hasta, monkeygrass and lillies.

I’m gonna miss the drainage there. Back when I was still trying to impress the Wife, I dug a drain line under the flower garden with a pick and shovel. I hope the new owners appreciate it. That was back when I used to make beer. I planted a hop rhizome which tapped into the storm drain. I had to wrestle that thing out of the ground like a giant Anaconda. I took the root to Stenchville and laid it under a fig tree. Before I knew it, the hop had crossed the yard and strangled a pecan tree.

Where were we?

John Tzimisces had a problem. He needed to marry into the Byzantine purple to establish legitimacy. Fortunately, Romanus II had five sisters “packed off to convents.” He chose Theodora and in 971 they were married.

Tzimisces settled Otto the Saxon’s hash by marrying his niece to Otto’s son, establishing an important link between the Western and Eastern empires.

The next year Tzimisces invaded Bulgaria and freed Tsar Boris from the clutches of Svyatoslav, the Russian. A few months later, he conquered the Russian force, allowing the defeated army to return home.

Turning his attention to the East, Tzimisces re-took Antioch from the Saracens and unopposed as he was, could have taken Baghdad.

Like the Patriarchs of Byzantium, Popes changed with the weather and were often killed. It’s silly and I’m not going to get into it.

Tzimisces re-took Palestine, Syria and Lebanon, recovering Christ’s sandals and the hair of John the Baptist before being poisoned by his Chamberlain and dying after a reign of six years.

Next came the sons of Romanus II, Basil and Constantine, as co-Emperors. Basil, the senior, with guidance from the Chamberlain of the same name, first battled two rebel generals and their armies.

Then came Tsar Samuel and the Bulgars. In 986, Samuel coaxed Basil and his army into Trajan’s Gate and destroyed them. Returning home, Basil once again faced a rebel general. He appealed to the Russians and received 6,000 Norsemen, known as Varangians. In return, one of the cloistered sisters of Romanus II was married off to Russian prince Vladimir, who already had 4 wives and 800 concubines,but submitted to baptism.

Basil and the Varangians pounced upon Bardas Phocas and his rebel army, destroying them. From Lord Norwich:

Three subordinate commanders, delivered into the hands of the Emperor, were respectively hanged, impaled and crucified.

In 991, Basil led his personally-trained new army to the East and recaptured many cities. In 995, he invaded the West and turned back the Saracens in Syria. Returning, Basil was “horrified” at the estates built up by the rich and powerful at the expense of the peasantry.

On 1 January 996 an emperial edict decreed that any territorial claim, to be valid, must go back at least sixty-one years, to the reign of Romanus I…

Some nobles were reduced to beggary, others to the level of the peasants around them.

Without being drawn into Papal intrigue, let’s just say that John Philagathus, a Greek Archbishop, became the anti-Pope of Rome. Otto III, Emperor of the West, advanced on Rome, throwing him in prison:

His captors cut off his ears, nose and hands, put out his eyes and tore out his tongue. He survived his subsequent trial and lived, after a fashion, till 1013.

In the year 1000, to thwart the Russians’ advance on the Adriatic, appointed the Republic of Venice as its protectorate.

A year later, Basil sent one of his nieces to marry Otto III, placating the Saxons. Unfortunately, Otto died suddenly, ending any chance of uniting the Eastern and Western empires.

The Byzantine army spent the next years battling Bulgars in the Balkans. In 1014 at Cimbalongus, 15,000 Bulgars were captured and revenge for the defeat at Trajan’s Gate was meted out:

Of each hundred prisoners, ninety-nine were blinded; to one man a single eye was left, that he might conduct the remainder to the presence of their king.

Basil II died in 1025, aged sixty-seven. His brother, Constantine, took up the challenge, but ruled badly and died three years later. The next years were a sad attempt by Constantine’s aging daughters to marry and produce an heir.

In 1038, George Maniakes, led the Byzantines to Sicily to oust the Saracens, but failed due to mutiny.

Among Empress Zoe’s husbands was the disastrous Michael V. In 1042, she married the even worse Constantine IX. That same year, George Maniakes was back, mutinied, defeated the imperial army and was killed.

Constantine IX died in 1054, leaving a shattered Byzantium.